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Stupid jokes

Collection of maybe the funnies Stupid jokes in internet.

My 19 year old daughter

I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.

I told her to sleep on it.

Doc, I can’t stop singing

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'”

“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

“Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”

A group of chess enthusiasts

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Bill Gates in an airport lounge

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. Whilst in the lounge, I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late. Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick “Hello Chris” at me when I was with my client.

He agreed. Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, “Hi Chris, what’s happening?” To which I replied:

“Fuck off Gates, I’m in a meeting.”